Or is it Happy Easter already?

Now that Father Christmas has hung up his red coat and boots, I am most sorry to inform you that it looks like the Easter Bunny has already emerged from her burrow.

I know... it isn't even 2008 yet, well not for another 30 minutes!

The evidence was spotted in Tesco Express this afternoon. I only nipped in to get a top-up of bread and milk and was almost bowled over to see a display of Cadbury's Mini Eggs and Mars eggs.

Tesco...shame on you and any other retailer who chooses to destroy our sense of seasons.

As the pantomime season isn't quite over....this one is especially for you....

"Booo.....Hisssss"

...and that's not just because I'm giving up chocolate for the new year!

Honest!

It's not even 6am and already...

(Image by Calamtylaine)

...I've had breakfast, mopped the floors, ordered the last of the Christmas Presents from M&S, John Lewis and Early Learning Centre and best of all, uploaded my Napster account onto my laptop.

Okay, it might seem bonkers that I am up so early, but after a shock awakening from my 3 year old at 3.45am, it was impossible to get back to sleep and there was nothing for it but to get up and get on!

So, next up is coffee, whilst enjoying the latest Napster tunes.

What's the betting that I will still be late for school!

The early bird might catch the worm, but sometimes can take a while to drag it out!

Have you seen the Poppy Man?

Do you remember sitting in school assemblies and listening to stories of the people who fought in The Great War and World War II and hearing about the importance of Remembrance Day?

To a child in the 1970s, the battles of the soldiers that fought in both wars seemed light-years away, wrapped up in history in a time that belonged to the "olden days". Yet, World War II ended only 23 years before I was born.

To highlight the relevance of this timescale, think back to where you were 23 years ago today...in 1984. I bet it doesn't seem that long ago, whether you were watching Postman Pat on TV as a child, following Duran Duran as a teenager or enjoying your independence at the start of your career.

It is only recently that the relative proximity of my childhood to the end of the second world war really occured to me. Many of my teachers will have lived through the war and were probably enlisted. I realise now how I took for granted their accounts of their experiences as well as those of my grandparents. It is also incredible to think that rationing actually ended only 15 years before I was born.

Here in the 21st century the importance of Remembrance Day is as relevant to our society as it has always been. However with an aging population and war veterans becoming fewer in number as each year passes, it is a natural consequence that today's children are at risk of becoming more detached than my generation. What should not be forgotten though is that today is not just about remembering those who have fought and died for their country in the past, but those who have fought in action and are still representing our country in modern times. Whether we are remembering the veterans of the Falklands or those who are currently in the Gulf, it is important that the significance of Remembrance Day is never lost.

The Royal British Legion works hard on its Poppy Appeal so that it can support ex-servicemen and their dependents, providing financial, social and emotional support where needed and it is interesting to see how its work has been brought right into the 21st Century, which is a must for promoting the cause to the younger generations that are learning about the history of wars and our country's traditions.

Did you know that you can now send poppies to your friends on Facebook and that if you have a "Second Life" account, there is the opportunity to share the Remembrance Day experience at a virtual cenotaph. You can even download Poppy wallpaper for your mobile phone.

The Royal British Legion has also recently launched a blog, highlighting the adventures of the Poppyman. If you'd like to see what he's been up to (and it is worth a look), hop over to http://whereispoppyman.blogspot.com/

And on that note, I'll leave you to his adventures and to your own Remembrance Day.

Pictures courtesy of The Royal British Legion

Detoxing Childhood

I have almost come to the end of Sue Palmer's latest book Dexoting Childhood. I first came across her work just over a year ago, when I read Toxic Childhood, a book for which I am very grateful.

Toxic childhood raised a number of issues relating to how developments in contemporary society are affecting children's development in the 21st Century and covers issues surrounding diet, working patterns, electronic gadgets, computers, restricted play etc. What I liked about the book is that the author is not patronising towards parents, she just looks at the holistic nature of developments in the 21st Century that have been damaging to children's development. It is refreshing that she does not blame parents, and instead highlights the elements that have gradually infiltrated modern lifestyles. If blame is expressed anywhere, it is towards the multi-billion dollar marketing machine that targets children, creating unwanted pressure on parents and consequently making our roles harder.

Where Toxic Childhood highlights the dangers of which parents need to be aware, the sequel Detoxing Childhood provides preventative measures on how to combat these in order to help create a healthy and happy family lifestyle, the type to which I certainly aspire.

Sue Palmer, the author and educational consultant is one of the signatories on the letter about Child Play that was published in yesterday's Telegraph. I met her last year, a formidable and approachable woman who is extremely passionate about child development.

When I first read her work, it struck a huge chord with me. I've already remarked that I was grateful and indeed I was, as many of the issues that she highlighted are ones that I have battled with at a personal level. I recognised some of my own behaviour patterns, but what was great about the book was that I didn't feel guilty, I felt normal!

Consequently I have been able to make small adjustments to our lifestyle and have noticed the benefits to our own family life. Yes I admit that I sometimes slip into my old ways, but recognise the danger signs when doing so, which helps me get back on track again. Reading Detoxing Childhood has offered a helpful reminder of how to tackle such things. Of course, nobody can be the "perfect parent", we can only pledge to provide for our children to the best of our knowledge and abilities and having the awareness certainly helps to develop the abilities.

Do you like my shoes?

They're about 10 years old and have seen me through work and nights out, weddings,child-free times and two pregnancies (early trimester only), breastfeeding, back to work and being a stay-at-home mum. Actually, it doesn't really bother me if nobody else likes them. They suit me and I like them. Admittedly they haven't always been perfect for every occasion, but they were the best I could find at the time, within my means. If they've rubbed, I've just hobbled along, hoping that I didn't have far to go and that no-one would criticise my choice of footwear whilst en-route....a bit like parenting itself really, except such decisions are more deep, longer-lasting and more personal than footwear.

If you're wondering where this is going, it's about the subject of choice and freewill, particularly in parenthood, and making decisions that are right for you according to your personal experience. It's also about having respect for others and not criticising their choices and actions based on your own beliefs. Coming back to the introduction, it's about not judging someone unless you've walked a mile in their shoes, an old saying which attempts to promote empathy.

Our society is not the most empathic. Recently I've heard stay-at-home mums criticising mothers who work full-time. In the past I've heard working mums patronise those who choose to stay-at-home and it doesn't stop there. Two other bloggers have recently provided wonderful insights into their own personal experiences: Ingenious Rose's experience as a Single Parent and Mother at Large on being an older mum, situations which have both previously attracted criticism from others.

Other hot topics that summon the critical tongue-wag include breast-feeding vs bottle-feeding, home-made food vs jars, family size (i.e. number of children), childcare choices, private vs state education and walking to school vs driving. Let's not forget the choice of birthday party, presents, television viewing, computer usage...the list is endless and I am sure that I am yet to come across other dividing factors as my children grow older.

When making choices, our decisions are rightly or wrongly influenced by a number of factors including our age, upbringing, a present or absent partner, income, health, location, previous experiences, peer pressure, guidance from professionals, marketing messages and legal framework. It's a complex cocktail of biological, geographical and socio-economic reference points which ensure that each of us are unique and therefore our situations are different to others, even if at face-value they might appear to be similar if not the same.

Before having children I thought I knew everything about parenting, strange that but I am sure I am not on my own there! However, since having children, I have learned how hard it can be. Now, I just try and get on with enjoying our own family life and not to judge the decisions of others, especially as a means to justifying and affirming my own efforts. Unless other parents' actions are harmful, abusive or illegal, my philosophy these days is to just cut each other some slack and hope that others will do the same. After all, I have enough of my own shoes to worry about without concerning myself with others.

The Domestic Goddess (Not)

Haa haa haa (ROFL). I have just watched The Stepford Wives (2004 production). And to think that I had once harboured ambitions of transforming into a stereotypical 1950s housewife. I even have a pretty blue & pink tea-dress in the wardrobe that would fit into this photo perfectly. (Must admit, I was actually scared by the original 1975 production).

Back to school already!

I had to suffer our local supermarket yesterday. I don't particularly like supermarkets (especially those of a larger square footage that sell stuff which is superfluous to their core purpose - it's like "DO I REALLY WANT TO BUY A TV WHILE I AM DOING MY WEEKLY SHOP?" aaaargh rant! )

Sorry, this isn't a really a rant about supermarkets, no matter what their size and at the risk of sounding hypocritical I am (slightly) grateful that this one has a dry-cleaning concession, which was the reason for yesterday's visit , otherwise I avoid it like the plague.! (Apologies to 21st C Dad that my down-beat attitude about our local "money swallowing vortex" has meant that his suit had been abandoned at the dry cleaners for ...about...er... 3 weeks)

No...today's rant is about a subject that bugged me as a child, yes a topic which had completely disappeared to the rarely accessed part of my mind...until...

I was leaving the said supermarket yesterday afternoon, with 21st C Dad's nicely dry-cleaned suit and some chocolates for the lovely admin staff at my little boy's school... and there it was...the sign...

BACK TO SCHOOL

For #£$"'s Sake it is only July! Please let us enjoy the final days of my 5 year old's first year of school, before I have to even start thinking about next year!

Aaarrrghhh!

I never had the opportunity to plead to school uniform retailers as a child, after all I was only kid, under 5' tall, growing up in a time where generally children should be seen and not heard...

...So to all the shops that sell school uniform, school shoes and stationery...please, please, please...can you let the kids of today and their parents enjoy the beginning of the school holidays, for at least a couple of weeks without blatantly pushing your back to school range!

Please understand...we know you sell school uniform...you don't need to tell us in July!

...especially as kids have a whole six weeks to grow before they eventually go back to school!

Okay, with that big rant off my chest, I can embark on enjoying a momentous occasion, the last day of term and the last day of my little one's first year of school! It's been a great year, he's had so much fun, has made lots of new friends and has learned loads! At the end of his first school year, he's learned to read so well that even he can read the signs that say "Back to school". Next time, we're in the vicinity, I'll ask him what he thinks!

Mummy's 21 Again

That time of year has rushed around again. Yes it's mummy's birthday today...and as my own mother always used to say... I am 21 again! It was always confusing for me as a small child learning to count, to find out my mum never got older than 21. Yet she was already 22 when I was born.

Today's birthday is rather special, not because it is has a "big 0" in the number, but because it is the penultimate one before I hit the "big 0".

Yes, next year I will be turning 40. Consequently, today feels more like a time for new year's resolutions than a birthday, as I consider all those things that I must cram into the final year of my thirties.

I know it's only a number and I am not particularly bothered by age itself, but psychologically and physiologically there are things that I would like to do before I venture into unchartered territory (on that note ~ did you know that Age Concern's services are offered to people aged 50 and upwards ~ for me that is now only 11 years away ;-D ).

Top of the wish list is to drop a dress size before I'm 40, after all I've heard the rumour that gravity has a greater pull the older you get...so I'm off to join our local health club today! A health club sounds so much nicer than a gym doesn't it! If I make the most of the relaxed nature of the summer holidays and go swimming each morning, that should help make a big difference! Besides, they have lots of fun activities over the summer holidays for children, so the kids will benefit too!

Next on the list is to increase my culinary repertoire for the benefit of the whole family. I used to cook far more before I had children and I desperately want to raise that part of me back from the dead before it becomes a complete impossibility! These days we have a healthy diet of mainly uncooked vegetables, but it's not very adventurous and you never get that lovely Winter Warming feeling with cold carrots, peppers and cherry tomatoes. I will also endeavour to get the whole family to spend more time together at mealtimes. We manage it at weekends, but even though the weekdays are challenging, we must do better.

All I hope is that the first two goals don't disagree with each other that I don't end up a dress size larger this time next year!

P.S. I forgot about the birthday bunting. I may just finish my own hand-made bunting by next year if life isn't too short!

Flames in the kitchen

No, this is not another post about my attempts at being a domestic goddess, but about the heart-stopping fear when the smoke alarm suddenly goes off and you know there is nothing cooking and definitely no burning toast. This is what happened to me this morning.

I was upstairs checking on my eldest who is in bed poorly today. At the sound of the beeping, I rushed downstairs to the kitchen to see flames coming from the worktop. Indeed it was dramatic at the time, but after quickly identifying that it was a plastic handled knife and fork on fire (accidentally left too close to the boiling kettle on the hob), I quickly picked them up and dowsed the flames under the tap, then repeatedly flapped a tea towel under the smoke alarm like a mad woman performing some kind of rain dance.

There are two lessons to be learned here. Firstly, please test your smoke alarms to make sure they are working. As can be seen from the photo, this was a minor incident, but if the smoke alarm hadn't been effective, it could have been worse. Secondly, using a gas hob in a flame-thrower kind of way (i.e. my style) is not the best way to boil a kettle. It's not good for the environment and as demonstrated is not especially safe.

I am sure that 21st C Dad will be happy that his house didn't burn down today when he gets back from work, but it has got me thinking again about fire safety.

The best sources of advice on the internet that I have found are:

www.firekills.gov.uk
Direct Gov: Fire Safety in the home
Fireservice.co.uk

We do have an escape route planned should the worst happen, which also includes a collapsible ladder which we store under our bed. Fingers crossed we will never need it!

Why not turn off the television...

So, I have come to the end of my television free week and I thought it would be useful to have a ponder over how it actually went.

The summary is that it was fantastic, easy, refreshing and peaceful.

I am not sure if it was easier because I had already planned four evenings of social engagements with friends, or if I would have found it a doddle anyway, but either way it was fun all round.

After a shaky start with flu-like symptoms at the weekend, the week got better with me finding time to catch up with old friends. The evenings that I did spend at home, I found myself being able to spend more time with 21st C Dad and not spend too much time using blogging as a substitute. Although by the end of the week, I was obviously full of enough energy to turn my hand to becoming the local neighbourhood busy-body.

So how did the other members of the family get on? The children accepted the fact that the TV was broken. I'm not sure I agree with their request for daddy to buy a new one. However, after the weekend, they didn't mention it again and just got on with playing with their toys or going out for walks in the rain and jumping in puddles.

My plan completely collapsed when I forgot to bring our babysitter in on the plan. When I returned home from a workshop one afternoon, I found them glued to the TV.

The response to my over-exaggerated cbeebies style comment "How on earth did you fix the TV?", my eldest replied "Silly mummy, it was just unplugged at the back".

Clever mummy thinks...next time, I'll take the fuse out!

Oh I nearly forgot 21st C Dad.... He's used the time to practice his solitaire skills and on Saturday night we celebrated with a recording of the last episode of Doctor Who.

However, the TV has been off since and I think it will continue to be so.

Gone Booting!

Today's musing is about how much that is bought here

(in an average high street)...

...ends up here!
(an average Sunday morning car boot sale)

I can bear witness to this, following my experience of being dragged (er..I mean encouraged) by my friend Ada to the Woolpit Car Boot Sale today.

The morning started with a sharp wake-up at 5am, with just enough time to get everything together, before Ada turned up in her van.

We chug-chug-chugged along the A14 to Woolpit (in what felt like the car-booter wacky races) to set up our pitch, amidst the gathering of the early vultures, pecking at the bones of our collective clutter.

After enjoying the first hour in sunshine, with the odd sale made along the way...along came a man, who had sold Ada's husband the van...he'd recognised it from ten feet away (apologies for the sudden trip into rhyming text).

Ada & the man comparing vans
(you can see the man's new van just in the centre at the back)

Other highlights included a visit from our friend Norma, modelling the wackiest item that could be found at the Boot Sale today.

Below is the stall that takes today's prize for the largest collection of cuddly toys...

...and here is the most relaxed stall-holder of the day, enjoying the first day of sunshine in July.

...and back to our pitch... gee-whizz was it hard work. By the end of the morning, I reduced most things to 10p to try and get rid of them, as I was determined not to come back with the clutter that I was so desperate to get rid of.

I didn't do too badly in decluttering, only returning with a couple of baskets of items, but in terms of profit, I only just managed to collect £40. Ada on the other hand seemed to return with a larger amount of items, but managed to pull in a fantastic £100. You can see who's better at this game can't you!

There must have been over a hundred stall-holders at the car-boot sale today, all busy sitting there with their eclectic range of items, from traders to collectors, all waiting for people to part with their cash. With this number, the income for the boot-sale organisers must have been around about £700.

Research carried out by Prudential in 2005 has revealed that over 10 million people in the UK have had a car boot stall and almost £1.5bn is spent at car boot sales every year, with the most popular items being books, followed by toys, clothes and music. This was the typical fayre at the boot-sale this morning.

Although it is a great way of getting some cash for what are now redundant items, it did make me evaluate how much my family has spent over the last decade on things to keep us entertained and to make our house look lovely. What was yesterday's pleasures are today's clutter. Have those experiences really justified the money spent in the past, concluding with today's efforts in trying to get-rid of just some of the clutter (for a mere £40)?

I am beginning to think not. The videos, the many children's toys (lots of which have been bestowed on us) and baby gadgets which seemed a must at the time, have all resulted in short-lived satisfaction, growing in number and gradually swallowing up what little space there is in our home!

On one hand the car boot sale is a god-send for both buyers and sellers alike and a must for recycling our belongings, but on the other hand it is also a depressing graveyard of consumerism, with people picking over the bones of our dim and distant lifestyles.

So will there be another boot sale for me? Well there is plenty of stuff still left in the loft and Ada has just sent me a note asking if I fancy it again next Sunday, so maybe! However, the Prudential research has also revealed that Wales is one of the more profitable places to hold a boot sale, with typical earnings coming in at £80. So I think we should get in the van, cross the river Severn and make our fortunes in Cymru. We could get to visit our respective relatives at the same time, killing two birds with one stone! Don't worry Ada, I only jest.

Anyway, If you are getting inspired to dust down your own clutter and find a car boot sale near you, visit www.carbootjunction.com.

If you want to follow up some interesting academic research about how we end up wanting to get rid of our goods in the first place, have a look at the excellent paper written by Professor Nicky Gregson, (Department of Geography, University of Sheffield) entitled: Disposal, Devaluation and Consumerism: or how and why things come not to matter.

So who am I?

Okay, that's a bit of a rhetoric question rather than an "answers on a postcard" offer!

Of course I know who I am. I'm a mother, wife, daughter, sister, niece, auntie and a friend (multiple times over). I like to think I am creative and an actioneer. (No, that's not an auctioneer). By actioneer, (probably a made-up word) I mean that I am someone who likes to get things done, e.g. if I want a post-box in our newly built community, I will ring up and ask someone who can make that decision or if I get fed up of the public and councillors arguing about a certain shopping development in Bury St Edmunds, I will email Centros Miller, suggesting it's time for some public relations. Some might call me a busybody, but hopefully only in a kind and positive context. In reality, I just have no patience with non-action.

By asking the question "Who am I?", I really want to highlight the benefits of blogging as an aid to finding out the real answer.

When I started blogging, I didn't really appreciate how much I cared for my local community. Since moving into the area, I have always thought of Moreton Hall as a stop-gap, nice but bland, but not for me. By opening my eyes that little bit wider, I now see new things, sometimes just everyday things, and can appreciate these experiences again and again through my writing, often laughing at what others might see as non-events and musing over big events in my own life that only I have seen.

Before the blog, I used to be easily stressed. Stressed by my imagination that people might know too much about my business (there's a certain irony there), annoyed by the ineffectuality in many aspects of my life and frustrated by not being able to get a word in edge-ways with those who happen to be bolder and louder (and by no means am I a shrinking violet).

Blogging, like other forms of writing offers benefits to the self, feeding the soul of analysis and offering a channel to ponder, pontificate and participate. Some might also add procrastinate.

Communicating through a blog allows you to refine your thoughts and develop a greater sense of self, question your actions and can even allow you to embark on a new personal journey.

I am enjoying that journey, discovering the emerging new me who is much less neurotic and up for the many challenges and opportunities that lie ahead as a down-hill-shifting flexi-mum actioneer, who still loves technology.

So that's it, I now know who I am. However, if you are not satisfied and would rather send your answers in on a post-card (much nicer than modern-day texting), try Noel Edmonds, Swap Shop, Studio TC5, BBC Television Centre, London.

(Image sourced from: http://www.saturdaymornings.co.uk/swapshop/stillsgallery.shtml)

In praise of slow

Having spent most of the day rushing around yesterday, the day ended with a return to a slower pace...a snail's pace, represented by the mass, but slow, exodus of the shell carrying creatures witnessed at about 10pm last night. Sometimes it is good to slow down, to breathe deeply, to take away the stresses of the day.

Television Unplugged!

I don't particularly like our TV. It's bigger than it looked in the shop, when we bought it three years ago. Admittedly it's not as big as some, but even so, I've been trying to convince 21st C Dad to let me get a smaller one, to no avail.

21st C Dad does not entirely understand my thinking. What confuses him is that I make no complaints when watching my usual diet of TV fixes or the latest hire from the video store.

But this is going to stop! Having realised that apart from Wilfing, the one thing that puts me into a Zombie mindless state, causing many a late night is my TV viewing habits. So we have decided to unplug the television and are embarking on a TV-free week, a brief taster for what hopefully will become a TV-free month.

This all sounded great over dinner last night, until he said "and what about the last episode of Doctor Who"... "and then there's that excellent documentary about Paris...". Suddenly, I began to feel myself back-tracking on my conviction as though there were no tomorrow.

However, first thing this morning...I tiptoed downstairs, ventured where no man has been in 3 years (the extremely entangled cable zone), navigated my way to THE plug and gently released it from its energy source.

...now taking deep (yoga style) breaths...feel the serenity.

Wilfing

Help!

I've just caught myself wilfing about wilfing. That means it's time to break the wilfing habit before I turn into a serious wilfer.

References:

Wilfing, the new Internet Black. ITPro
Wilfing on the web: The new British pastime. Guardian Technology
A Wilfing Google Search


The only thing I don't understand is why isn't it called wwilfing?

The emergence of the Flexi-Mum

Having spent nearly 6 years trying to "find myself", I think I've at last discovered who I am again. It's no coincidence that my eldest child is also nearly 6, as I seem to have lost myself immediately after child-birth.

I knew who I was until I became a mum. I was a 33 yr old research manager, working 9-5, or rather 8-6. Suddenly, I was a mother who was still a research manager, but not doing any research except finding out all I could about breast-feeding, colic and baby poo.

Then my maternity leave lapsed and I decided not to go back to work. Suddenly, I was a "real" housewife and full-time mum. I was a really crap housewife, finding it would take me two days to complete a full wash cycle, so much to remember, so much to forget and so little time to forget to do it all in. Not to mention the continuous cycle of breastfeeding, changing nappies, trying to get baby off to sleep, meeting other mothers and talking about babies, breastfeeding, colic and nappies. Perhaps I was such an awful housewife because I took the more enjoyable full-time mum bit literally. Somehow, I had been transported into somebody else's life. I no longer recognised me, the old me, the real me and I didn't know where the new me was heading. There was no annual review, no training plan, just a life of making it up as you go along.

When my baby was almost a year old, I got the financial calling to go back to work. It was proper work...in an office, with computers, telephones, other people, projects and tea breaks. At last there was a plan, a future of training courses, meetings and mostly sensible conversation. So, back into a professional working life, I looked forward to the return of my old self.

And did she come back?...er, no!

Although part of me came back and enjoyed the job, the maternal side of me could not let me throw my 110% into the job. Everyday, I left on time (an hour earlier than most), desperate to get back to the nursery feeling guilty and feeling troubled that I'd left my colleagues to finish pieces of work before home-time. It was such a relief when, nine months later, my husband announced that he'd got a new job in Suffolk. So I handed in my notice and became a crap housewife and full-time mum again, whilst project planning a relocation.

Since then, with the move over and settled into our new town, I have been on a path of accidental self-development, trying but failing to become a domestic goddess, but have been self-promoted to full-time mother of two. Of course, we're talking serious parenting here, completely absorbing what was left of the old career-led person...until...

A few years ago, a spark of my old enthusiasm hit me and I became a governor of a local school. At the same time, I started turning one of my hobbies into a pocket money business. About eight months later a friend approached me with a business idea, which led to developing a creative company, which is still running today. The pocket money business is also beginning to take off, providing me with a regular but basic income. Meanwhile, I have become an adult education tutor at a local college and I regularly write for a number of publications, whilst having a few other irons in the fire.

However, when people ask if I am a full-time mum or housewife, I have a tendency to still say, "Yes Yes" and if they ask me if I work, I often catch myself saying "not really" or perhaps "a little". This conundrum has developed because I don't actually go "out to work" in the traditional sense and the work that I do engage in doesn't actually feel like work. It's just part of my dibble dabble lifestyle that I've previously discussed.

This dibble-dabbling has made it even more tricky because it makes it difficult to put me in a box and humans like to compartmentalise people and things. Being neither a housewife, nor a full-time mum or a working mother and instead doing this, that and the other, I've been desperate to put my finger on it for a long time, just wanted to feel sorted in a non-neurotic kind of way.

And at last, with a big sigh of relief for you and for me, I have found out who I am and what I really do.

I can now shout proudly from the hill-tops...I am a flexi-mum, yes a flexi-mum. A flexible working mum, giving myself permission to feel good about the fact that I haven't fallen back onto the conveyor belt of work, but am instead being resourceful about earning the money that I do, whilst still spending most of the week with the kids.

A flexi-mum, yes I like that but most of all I really love the flexi-mum kind of life!

_______________________________________________________
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I am currently conducting research on the effect of childbirth on self-image and working options for new mothers and would be grateful for personal stories, no matter to which decade they belong. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at 21stcm@21scenturymummy.co.uk

Also, if your lifestyle is a flexi-mum lifestyle, please get in touch and send me your stories too.

OK...so when did it happen?

I went to the doctors today. She was younger than me, probably in her early thirties at most. God, I feel old.

It got me thinking...

My son's teacher is an 80's child. The headteacher is the same age as my little sister. And as for our local bobby...

However, I can rest on my laurels knowing that age is no concern while I am younger than the incumbent mayor.

...blimminy fidget... that was a lucky escape, the recently retired town council Mayor was born in the 70s and was younger than my little sister. Thank goodness I didn't think about this whilst she was still in office.

Anyway, you're only as young as your attitude and mine isn't ready for middle-age yet.

My 21st Century Family Jigsaw

My family is typical of many British families in the UK, where actually we live nowhere near each other and haven't done so in 20 years since I left the family to go off and do my degree. If our family was a jigsaw puzzle you would have to travel many miles to collect all the pieces to make the whole, back to South Wales to pick up the Welsh contingent and off to Bristol for the in-laws. Scotland is the destination for my brother-in-law and Switzerland for my sister. Not to mention our extended family in France... So, what we're looking at here is a Continental jigsaw, not just British.

On the plus side, we have a great excuse to visit lovely locations for our holidays and there's always a friendly face and home-cooked food. On the downside, we don't have time to travel elsewhere on holiday, with the exception of the odd "meet-up", where everyone converges at an alternative destination. Also, family get-togethers mostly mean that we're doing the travelling, thanks to the shoulder of responsibility reminding us that it was us who moved away in the first place.

Even though there are many personal upsides to living an independent family life, these advantages gradually diminish in correlation to age and propensity for childbirth. Enjoying life, studying and clubbing in Nottingham is entirely different to a quiet family lifestyle in Bury St Edmunds, where we have settled due to my husband's work.

Living at least 5 hours away from immediate family means that both parties miss out on the development of our children. They don't get to see them developing and we don't get to see the joy of the developing relationships...and as for babysitting...we don't get that advantage either and have to depend on our newly made family, our friends who already have their own family commitments.

What frightens me more is not being there easily if our relatives fall ill or get frail with age.

It's not easy living apart from family, but what makes it easier is technology, highlighted by our Skype connection. Now I can speak to my sister and her family for free and even better, with our webcam enabled, it's like having them in our living room. Thank goodness for 21st Century technology.

Downshifting the 21st CM Way

A few days ago, I gave a little nod towards the subject of downshifting and regular readers will have already seen a few related links appearing in the side-bar.

Downshifting can mean different things to different people, but the Wikipedia definition describes it as the act of moving from a lifestyle of greater consumption towards a lifestyle based on voluntary simplicity. One of the best sites to find out more is www.downshiftingweek.com which was set up by Tracey Smith. Tracey also has a video on YouTube about Sustainable Living and wraps it up in a nutshell, where she describes herself as a "Contented Downshifter" where the less money she spends the more time she has to spend with the people she loves. Consequently, the less money she has to earn.

If you're new to the concept of downshifting, you might be mistaken that it's not relevant to you and is a bit "new-agey", but that's not true at all and, as an example, Tracey's website has a list of things that an individual can do easily to change their lifestyle, without having to change their character or profile.

I would describe myself as a "downhill-shifter", someone who is on the way but not yet fully there, but who wants to commit more to the principles. I try to be more sustainable and cycle wherever I can in my local area. I belong to a local bartering group. I make jewellery for friends instead of buying presents (which saves a lot of money). When we have a family day out, we tend to enjoy the great outdoors away from commercial temptations. We have a compost bin in our garden as well as a water butt and try to incorporate edible plants into our small suburban garden. Here's a tour of our little patch of land:

Here you can see our potatoes which we planted in a tub. You might even be able to make out the black compost bin behind. Next is the well-disguised non-intrusive water butt (honestly it is there, behind the bay tree). Against the fence is our blackberry plant and further along you'll see the rhubarb.

You don't need a greenhouse to grow tomatoes and here is our seedling tray on our windowsill, followed by tomatoes grown in a pot outdoors. We have a bay-tree hedge as well as herbs in pots.

We even have a grapevine, which only has two bunches of grapes, but it's a start.

On the expenditure front, it has taken me quite a while to try and get used to not shopping so much and I go through bursts of enthusiasm, which is why I am still only a "downhill-shifter". But I am going to try harder. I might even be brave and put an "expenditure meter" on this site.

I am trying my hand at more and more home-made food. My latest achievement is my recipe for a semi-burnt quiche (here are the "before and after" shots):

One thing that is for certain, by having given up traditional work, I get to spend more time with my children and I also have more time to volunteer in community projects. I also earn pocket money from doing fun things instead of serious stuff.

Even though I don't have time for an allotment or space for chickens, I hope that one day in the future we will be able to organise this. In the meantime, I would love to get involved in a chicken co-op (excuse the pun), if there is such a thing, where I could help out in exchange for some fresh eggs.

There is a lot to be said for slowing down in the way that I have and I am a lot more relaxed about things these days. If you are interested in having a go your own way, a great start is the free e-book on Tracey Smith's site. Also, have a look at some of the new links in my sidebar. Make sure that you don't miss Melanie Rimmer's Bean-sprouts site. It is very inspiring.

The book which started me off on this journey was "Downshifting: the bestselling guide to happier and simpler living". I picked it up in Borders in 1998, when I worked just off Oxford Street in London. It planted a huge seed in my mind, that there could be more to life than heavy commuting and the push, push, push of career development. Coupled with later ideas about portfolio working, I was well on the way to laying the foundations for what is now our family life in the 21st Century.

Who would have guessed that we would be in beautiful Suffolk, as a family of four, enjoying a slower pace of life (with me becoming the not-so-perfect housewife). All we need now is for me to spend less and less money, my husband to give up his very responsible job and allow him to indulge in his passions too...so where will we be in ten years time I wonder? Isn't the future unbelievably exciting?!

How many hats can you network with?

Yesterday I attended a very useful networking session for women, organised by our local enterprise agency, Menta. Throughout my career, whenever I've attended networking sessions it's always been straight-forward. Shake some hands, meet some interesting people, listen to what they do and promote what you do. Simple eh, when your career/self-employment is focused in one area!

However, regular readers will be aware of my developing "Portfolio lifestyle", aka my dibble-dabbling. So far, this has been going beautifully and it's been easy to keep everything compartmentalised in their little boxes, opening one box at a time for the appropriate situation, whether it's related to scribbles, bling or blogging (my three main income streams).

It's never been a problem until yesterday, when people were asking what I do in what was a general forum. Suddenly, I felt like I was changing hats, (not to mention costumes), faster than Mr Ben (apologies to readers under the age of 30 for the 1970s cultural reference). I came away utterly exhausted.

Then it occurred to me, even though I've got each of these individual boxes under control, what is missing is a "corporate" identity for Me Ltd. However, how to create a corporate identity for a dibble-dabbler, does not seem an easy task. I wouldn't like to say that I was a Jack (or Jill) of all trades because it implies that I'm master (or mistress) of none, which is untrue. Likewise, I don't want to compromise my interests by ditching one or two of my income streams to focus on one path.

If Mr Sugar or Mr Branson happen to pass by, any advice would be appreciated. In the meantime, I'm off to see Charles Handy in a few weeks, the originator of the Portfolio Lifestyle. Maybe I'll ask him!

(Image courtesy of www.kirstysredhats.com)


Addendum:

I've just come across a great site called Down The Lane, which focuses on down-shifting, which is what I've subscribed to, having decided not to go back into formal work since having children. It's inspired me to realise my dibble-dabbling is okay and I don't need to get too serious about it. After all, get serious, get stressed and I might as well be back in the office that I am trying to stay away from.