Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Why I no longer look at my hotmail...

Thank you for your emails

Ha, ha, ha...A friend has just emailed me the following email which was written by an anonymous author....enjoy...

"Dear All


My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past
year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about
cockroach eggs in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get
answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to
watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the
£5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy
study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late."

And people wonder why I no longer look at my hotmail account.

(Image courtesy of http://www.ruf.rice.edu)



9 Comments:

picklesmum said...

ROFLMAO That is so funny! I am still waiting to receive my 50LB of free Lobster I won in an email as well as a Dutch Lottery I never entered and some tablets who's effects I can't go into on a family blog!

IngeniousRose said...

I promise I don't read my emails with my hand on my mouse! Ha ha ha he he!!

Hoffy said...

(Removing hand from mouse!) 21CM - Ha Ha Ha! I've received every one of them, sorry those (I'll have PF after me for incorrect use of the English Language - I'll get 100 lines!) e-mails and it's Soooooooooooooo true! Hoffy.

Bury Boy said...

Dont forget you can have instant credit also, what ever your circumstances, just call .......
As for those pill, have you seen how cheap they are, I wonder if they work ?
If you are really luck they will turn the account off with out telling you, leaving it to your friends to call months later to pass on that critical peice of information.

What happens if you rest your right hand on the mouse?

florries mum said...

Bury Boy-I've told you before-'You don't need those pills!!!!'

21st Century Mummy said...

Hi Picklesmum - if you ever get the lobster let me know, I would love to share the experience. :-D

Hi IngeniousRose - I should hope so, you have an honorable reputation to up-hold ;-D

Hi Hoffy - (cough)...you too have an even better excuse to maintain an honorable reputation..so watch that mouse :-)

Greetings from down under Bury Boy - that's not meant to be as rude as it sounds! My advice is don't try the mouse unless it's under the supervision of Florries Mum...

and Florries Mum...I am sure Bury Boy will appreciate the vote of confidence... :-D

BTW I hope you are having an excellent time in Aussie...where's the Aussie Blog...send us a postcard soon.

picklesmum said...

21stCM I am a veggie so the 50LB of lobster is yours when I get it.

21st Century Mummy said...

Thanks Picklesmum - I look forward to it ;-D

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee. Now I am ROFL.
I love that. I think we've had nearly a of them.