Do you like my shoes?

They're about 10 years old and have seen me through work and nights out, weddings,child-free times and two pregnancies (early trimester only), breastfeeding, back to work and being a stay-at-home mum. Actually, it doesn't really bother me if nobody else likes them. They suit me and I like them. Admittedly they haven't always been perfect for every occasion, but they were the best I could find at the time, within my means. If they've rubbed, I've just hobbled along, hoping that I didn't have far to go and that no-one would criticise my choice of footwear whilst en-route....a bit like parenting itself really, except such decisions are more deep, longer-lasting and more personal than footwear.

If you're wondering where this is going, it's about the subject of choice and freewill, particularly in parenthood, and making decisions that are right for you according to your personal experience. It's also about having respect for others and not criticising their choices and actions based on your own beliefs. Coming back to the introduction, it's about not judging someone unless you've walked a mile in their shoes, an old saying which attempts to promote empathy.

Our society is not the most empathic. Recently I've heard stay-at-home mums criticising mothers who work full-time. In the past I've heard working mums patronise those who choose to stay-at-home and it doesn't stop there. Two other bloggers have recently provided wonderful insights into their own personal experiences: Ingenious Rose's experience as a Single Parent and Mother at Large on being an older mum, situations which have both previously attracted criticism from others.

Other hot topics that summon the critical tongue-wag include breast-feeding vs bottle-feeding, home-made food vs jars, family size (i.e. number of children), childcare choices, private vs state education and walking to school vs driving. Let's not forget the choice of birthday party, presents, television viewing, computer usage...the list is endless and I am sure that I am yet to come across other dividing factors as my children grow older.

When making choices, our decisions are rightly or wrongly influenced by a number of factors including our age, upbringing, a present or absent partner, income, health, location, previous experiences, peer pressure, guidance from professionals, marketing messages and legal framework. It's a complex cocktail of biological, geographical and socio-economic reference points which ensure that each of us are unique and therefore our situations are different to others, even if at face-value they might appear to be similar if not the same.

Before having children I thought I knew everything about parenting, strange that but I am sure I am not on my own there! However, since having children, I have learned how hard it can be. Now, I just try and get on with enjoying our own family life and not to judge the decisions of others, especially as a means to justifying and affirming my own efforts. Unless other parents' actions are harmful, abusive or illegal, my philosophy these days is to just cut each other some slack and hope that others will do the same. After all, I have enough of my own shoes to worry about without concerning myself with others.